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Of course we're more worried about where we park our bicycles than our babies when we're out shopping.I mean, have you seen how much a decent bike costs in Denmark?However, a ‘proper' Dane is still someone who eats loads of liver-paté, ham, bacon, salami, pork chops, meatballs, sausage, and other varieties of pork on a daily basis.Strangely, I've been allowed to retain my citizenship despite turning vegetarian a year ago.

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Unless it's angry feelings, like how outraged they were when their bicycle got stolen, or when some foreign guy skipped the queue in Netto.We call ‘em like we see ‘em, and have a no-holds-barred approach to touchy topics like sex, politics, money, religion and culture, often not realising that the non-Dane who we're sharing these opinions with is internally recoiling in horror at the turn the conversation has taken.It's even worse for many of us when we're speaking English, as our more limited vocabulary forces us to be even more crude and direct. At 5pm however, we switch off and become human again. The first is activated from roughly 9am-5pm, during which time we are something reminiscent of Terminators with the ‘kill' function disabled: expressionless, impersonal, and determined to avoid small talk while we dedicate ourselves entirely to the successful completion of whatever we're working on.

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